Relationship Advice: Housing Your Mother-in-law
Mother-in-laws are pain in the neck. We dislike, fear and cannot understand them at all. Every married woman has a story to tell and we all have the notion that it is only the women who suffer the disgrace in her hands. This is a misconception because men suffer too only that they work so hard to prove their wife’s mother wrong. Fork lore has it that behind every successful man there is a doubtful mother-law. Women cannot stand her but men know how to handle her. A woman will say “i cannot stand my mother-in-law” a man will say “forget about her and eat all the carrots you want.” The confusing fact is that you do not hate her and you wouldn’t pray that a bad thing happens to her. Your secret prayer is that she progresses well with life.
Sometimes you love her and the next minute you hate her so much and you wouldn’t bear seeing her controlling self all the day. That is why most people would rather have something else than share a roof with a mother-in-law. Housing your mother-law is seen as the most terrible marriage mistakes. Most probably she is a retiree and she want to be self-sufficient. She has some secrets she would want to keep and so doesn’t like the arrangement of putting up in your place either. The problem is that she can’t put up alone in her old age but things are different nowadays thanks to invention of mother-in-law apartments. When she sees you suffering with her presence, she silently wonders why you can’t be bright enough to get her an apartment.
If you are evil enough to wish that she dies, i have bad news for you because according to statistics from national center for health sciences, life expectancy in the USA has gone up to 77.8 years. This translates to the fact that close to 35 million of Americans are beyond 65 years of age. There are several seniors requiring living assistance and you can be sure that your mother-in-law is among the number. A mother-in-law apartment is great resource because you and her will never rub shoulders unnecessarily. This way she can visit and go whenever she wants. A mother-in-law in an apartment in your compound is great because she can check on your cat or dog whenever you are on vacation and your teenagers will not misbehave while you are away.
A mother-in-law apartment is one of the best assets for a home owner because if she is not ready to move in just yet, you can use it as a guest facility or better still rented out before she shows up. When she ages well in place you can be assured of parental blessings which would have been otherwise absent if you were sharing a roof. If she is around, you can easily check on her and avoid the hassles involved in driving all the way just to fix a light bulb or a leaking sink.
Francis Githinji
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationship-advice-housing-your-motherinlaw-574134.html
mother in law advice…was I wrong?
My husband is currently serving in Afghanistan and I had my in laws come down for the birth of my child. I had to beg and plead for my mother in law to come because she kept saying she was busy. Turns out that she wanted my father in law to come as well (I was uncomfortable with this but oh well). Needless to say because of him being there my birth experience was not all that great. He kept touching things, calling me names, wanting to bring my child into my house etc. I was so frustrated I emailed my husband as a way to vent because i knew he would understand and he would give me words of wisdom to help heal and move on from the experience. I had detailed everything in the email, everything that irked me. My husband is in an area where they have no internet connection but he got to call home from a phone. I discussed it with him over the phone and I let it go (End January). I wake up this morning to find that my mother in law sent me some really nasty text messages stating I was a horrible person. Confused I was like why what happened. She went into my husbands emails and read it. Now that was inappropriate to me because which emails has she read? Not seeing your husband for 7 months well yea you get the point. She’s threatening to tell my husband I’m a bad person etc. She’s also saying that I’m keeping her away from her son (my husband) and I’m alienating them from my daughters life. When I was the one that made her come down, I am the one who initiated skype calls with them so they can see their grandchild. Do I regret the email no because it was everything I felt and I have moved on from it (alot of the email consisted of thoughts I was having while having the baby blues). She should never have read the email to being with nor even accessed his account with the security questions. Recommendations on what to do. I’m going home to see my parents and in all honesty I know she’s going to be there for my husband when he returns and I really don’t want to be there. Yes it’s my husband who I haven’t seen in months but I don’t want to deal with her or my father in law. I’m also highly considering changing my phone number so she can’t contact me anymore (of course give my husband the new one). Was/am I wrong for sending the email and any suggestions anyone can give me on this situation.
By the way she’s now threatening me to send the email to all family members…She went through my son’s email (he’s 24 grown man), interfered with something between husband and wife and posting stuff that makes them look bad. Is this relationship worth saving? My husband really doesn’t favor her much either.
Here’s the thing he never calls his mom, no matter how many I tell him he should call his family. He didn’t give his mom the password she used the security question to log in. How do I know this because are emails are linked and it said "your pw has been successfully reset". He doesn’t rust his mom with his pw stuff because she emptied out his college fund & spent it on stupid stuff. He never gives his mom access to anything. Especially since we have our bank information & bills via email…BTW thanks for having faith in marriage. I don’t intend to go anywhere.
Tell your husband he better set his mother straight as you’re not about to put up with her crap. Tell him you expect him to do this ASAP!!!
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You did NOTHING wrong!!!! She should have never read your email! As a couple you say things to each other that you would never say to anyone else. Thats one of the wonderful things about being married is that you can really open up and talk at gut level and then forget about it. For your mother in law to intercept an email to your husband is despicable! If I were you I would be glad that happened because if you had never written anything that got her so upset she may have just kept reading his emails and you wouldnt have known! I think you should change your number and if and when you ever try to make amends do it when your husband is home and he can support you. It is unforgivable what she did. Do not question yourself
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Sometimes its difficult, but remember, you are close to your mom, but she is HIS mom!! And in a real fight, she’ll win. A person can have many spouses, but only ONE mom! And I, too, would give my mom my email password if I was in a combat zone. You two women need to meet over a good cup of coffee and chill out. Or there will be a divorce, if not now, then in 5 or 10 years. Except if mom was a brutal abuser (which obviously she was not), you can’t win this by being confrontational.
By the way, I lived with a rude, overwheening mom-in-law for 18 years, till she died. But that was the price to pay for living with my Queen. I understand you.
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I am so sorry I can understand your hurt feelings with her snooping into her son’s email. She has no business reading into his email. You are married and it is you and your husbands business alone. Nothing to do with anyone else reading into your personal lives. She is not going to get any brownie points with either of you or your husband for snooping. You might even ask her to mind her own business in a situation that nasty. Just for now I would get along as best as possible. When your husband comes home you can discuss the situation in more detail. You don’t want to come between his family even though it hurts. But it doesn’t mean you need to be present either to take any more snooping abuse from her. That is totally wrong and very hurtful. Let her know you are the strong one and stand by your man through thick and thin. Your relationship with your husband is worth keeping but the relationship with his family is sort of nipped in the bud already and over. So keep your chin up and be proud. Try not letting her nasty crap bother you.
Best of luck to you.
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