A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie. ~Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

Recently, I picked up a great book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Overall, I love the book except one part of it gave me pause and made me reflect. It was in the chapter about “Why Men Cheat” on their wives, girlfriends, etc. Harvey’s basic answers are: 1) They Can. 2) They Think They Can Get Away With It. 3) He Hasn’t Become Who He Wants and Needs to Be or Found Who He Truly Wants. 4) What’s Happening at Home Isn’t Happening Like it Used To. 5) There’s Always a Woman Out There Willing to Cheat With Him. And, ultimately he explains the man hasn’t got his priorities straight especially in having a real and meaningful spiritual practice in his life.

Ok. So far, so good. And, I also agree with what Harvey says regarding why a man is able to get away with his cheating and lying behavior with the women he is with. One reason this happens Harvey explains (using my paraphraze of what he says not his exact words now) is because any woman he is with hasn’t set high enough standards in her life to respect and love herself enough to see what is going on right in front of her and take a stand about it. She basically colludes in the notion that denial is good for you. After all, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” And, since her denial lets him get away with what he wants to, he is happy to join in on the denial party with her. But, denial is not good for you and it feeds one of my four major love myths I discuss in my Attracting Real Love course — love is blind. Wrong! Real love actually requires 20 – 20 vision because you only know how to really love yourself and others when you are seeing what you need to see clearly.

Which is why when I read this in Harvey’s book I decided I couldn’t disagree more. He says if a woman starts to catch on to a man’s cheating and lying behavior and starts to ask questions a man is going to just do more of his lying and denying game. Why? Harvey says men will do this “if we care about you. But, if not — if a man doesn’t see you fitting into his life plan — he won’t even bother with all of the covering up.” WHOA!!! Come on, Steve! I know the rest of your book also says that a man who really loves a woman won’t cheat, but let’s clear this up right now! Le’t not make it seem like somebody is cheating and hiding the truth from someone out of love. No way, no how!

So, why do we really lie? Plain and simple We’re afraid. Period. Why are we afraid? We don’t love ourselves or the people around us enough to live in truth. And, real love requires the truth. Not some blunt rude make people feel stupid and horrible version of truth. But, truth nonetheless! And, if you want proof of who has the most loving relationships going on between them? Well, it’s between people who can live in truth completely. They love and respect each other so much they want to be honest with them. They care about not hurting them. They care about being loved and respected in return for who they are flaws and all. And, they want a partner who can hear the truth and help bring it all into the realm of consciousness in a loving way and heal any fear in the realm of love. That means the more a couple lies to each other, the more they actually are in fear of each other, which means love really isn’t very present at all.

Now, why do we refuse to live in truth? It’s simple. We are thinking more about ourselves and coming from our egos. We simply don’t want to have to face the consequences of what we are doing and be forced to change our hurtful behaviors. We don’t want to feel bad about ourselves by having to see clearly what is really going on. Or, to share another quote, We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams. In short, we are afraid to love and feed fear in our lives instead.

Ok, I don’t expect people to be perfect. But, try this on for size. Next time you catch yourself or other people telling lies ask yourself this, “What am I afraid of and how does this reflect a lack of love in myself or a lack of love regarding the people I am with?” Then, ask this, “What would it be like to love myself and others enough to be willing to take the scrape, instead of give one?”

Notice this as well. Despite what people say finding out the truth doesn’t hurt! What hurts is discovering how much there was a lack of love and how real love was replaced by deception and fear. Remember, real love heals it doesn’t hurt. And, though it may hurt to find out about lies, shedding them actually opens you up to attracting more real love in your life creating space for the rapture described in the main quote above — for yourself and the people around you.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

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Girls who’s had experience in succeeding on getting their ex back:
What did you do, to win them back?

Thank you if you can help (:

well, you might like to ask the expert on Magic of Relationship.

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how to get your ex back
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So how DO you get your ex girlfriend back?

Well the first thing that you dont do is something stupid. You dont go out on the town with your mates. Theyll lend a sympathetic ear and show you a good time, but youll all end up half cut and theyll try to help by introducing you to a lovely lady in the bar and you know whatll happen next, dont you?

Thats right guilt, just to add to all your other problems. Let alone the hassle of trying to get out of bed, get dressed and get out of the house without waking her! That, my friend, is an art that takes a long time in the making. Look at you, youre a wreck. Youve no idea what to do next. Not a clue. You cant concentrate on anything, you dont even care about anything and to be perfectly honest, you are boring everyone to tears. Sure, everyone feels sorry for you, but you have to do something constructive.

Making constant phone calls and sending hundreds of text messages is NOT constructive. Nor are hip expanding boxes of chocolates. Tasty, no doubt, but in these circumstances, less than useless. What youve got to do, and I know that this will be difficult, is to harness what little you have left of your brain power if you ever want to find out how to get your ex girlfriend back. Not only getting her back, but getting her begging to come back. And she will. But only if you play your cards right.

Although you may well feel the need to call her ten times per day, this is only going to make her see you as needy. It’s going to turn her off, even if she feels sorry enough for you to carry on taking those calls.

Make sure that you cut off all communication until you know what plan of action you are going to use. Think things through, are you acting out of pride or real, true desire to be back with your ex girlfriend? Knowing what you truly want is the first step you should be taking. Take the time out to really sit down and think about what you want. If pride is driving you, then you really shouldn’t be treating her as your possession.

Heres what you DO have to do. You have to stop running around like a headless chook chasing its own tail. {Yes, I know its a mixed metaphor, but whos writing this article?}
Remember, Im the one whos trying to show you how to get your ex girlfriend back.

You have to make a cup of coffee, not a beer, a cup of coffee, get some paper and a pen, sit quietly, no TV, and work out a few things.

You have, firstly, to work out why she left in the first place. Make a list of things that you did that she was always mentioning. They might not seem important things to you, but women are funny creatures. Always remember, Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Did she always comment about your smoking in the house? Maybe she didnt nag about it, but it was obviously on her mind. OK, stop smoking in the house, better still, give up smoking altogether. This will impress her no end.

The most heinous crime that any man can commit, in the eyes of a woman, is to leave the toilet seat up. Truly and without a doubt, this has been the cause of countless relationship break-ups.

Practice lowering the toilet seat. Its quite easy once you get the hang of it. Grab the top of the toilet seat with your right hand and gently lower it. Dont drop it or it will make a very loud crash and frighten the cat. There, that was not too difficult, was it? Now, about going to bed with your boots on

Your list may be short or it may be long, but what you have to do is change these bad habits BEFORE you try to win her back.

Its no use at all ringing her up and saying Ill change. You have to change first, THEN ring her up, casually, and have a chat, mention in passing that youve stopped smoking etc. How youre going to bring the toilet seat into a casual conversation is your problem, not mine.

Dont be in too much of a hurry to make contact. I know its hard, but two can play the hard-to-get card. If you wait for a few weeks and master the toilet seat thing, when you do call her, the call will be greeted, not with annoyance, but with relief on her part. After all, she may have given you the elbow, but shell still be wondering how youre going.

Now youre starting to get the upper hand. But you still need help. Big time help.

You do deserve to be a winner, dont you?

Duration : 0:6:24

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The dynamics of a breakup

Relationship Advice for those who are breaking up is still useful for getting a marriage back together.  It should be known, however, that when both want to recapture the relationship it is an easier process. 

Most often a relationship can be saved even when there is infidelity.  But it is more difficult to save marriages that are falling apart when the wife has become involved with another man then the other way around.  Women rarely have a purely sexual fling, despite what you may have gathered from watching too much television or reading romance novels.

 Women are creatures of the heart who typically only stray when they are feeling unappreciated, unloved and unappealing to their husbands. 

If you are a man whose wife is in an affair no amount of preaching or expressions of reason will reach her.  She (generalizations may not apply to your case but do to most) has been hurt very deeply and does not feel there is any hope.  This does not mean a man should not try to win his wife back.  But it does mean that mere words will not work.  In most cases a wife who comes back will stay, but she should never be condemned for what she did.  In fact, she should be praised for her love and loyalty re-expressed by coming back. 

It is widely known that women are not understood by men, or indeed, by other women.  But the effort a husband makes to please his wife and convince her to come back is well worth it.  No man should consider himself vindicated by his wife’s possible refusal to come home.  He should never allow anyone to speak badly of his wife even if she never comes back.  It would be nobler for a man to blame himself, regardless of the circumstances, if his wife leaves him.

When a man has an affair it is typically much easier for him to end it because his psycho-physiological needs are much simpler and an astute wife knows just what she needs to do in order to recapture her husband’s heart.  Most women, when faced with the loss of their husband become very intelligent and win him back.  Some, who put pride ahead of practicality, sacrifice their children’s lives as well as their own in order to prove a point.

The intentional harshness of the above is meant to illustrate the most important point of all:

Regardless of what has taken place in the past every marital relationship could and should be restarted, leaving the past behind.

There are no victims in a reconstituted marriage but there are nothing but victims in divorce.  

Paul Friedman
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/relationship-advice-for-those-who-are-breaking-up-671635.html

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if he still has feelings for you then go for it, take your man.

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Today the relationships break very fast. Some of them do not last even a year. Go back to the past and think of relationships that survived all the life. Today that is an exception. The norm is break-up of relationship in sometime after they are formed. This makes one wonder about many things. Was the relationship strong enough from beginning? Was the relationship worth the effort? Was the relationship formed to get pleasure or pain? And if both the parties were mentally prepared for the break-up right from the start, why did they not take steps to prevent that? Some relationships crumble so quickly, that one wonders about the whole gamut of relationships. Let us at least try and understand about who can save a relationship- the man or the woman?

Men are logical thinkers by nature. Women are more emotional and think in terms of feelings. Does that mean anything? A man may try and save the relationship by calculating the amount of trouble he would undergo with the break-up. On the other hand a woman puts lots of emotions on stake in a relationship. For her it is an emotional trauma to see the relationship breaking. Her emotions may control the slide or precipitate the break-up. Emotions can work either way.

What does one get by saving a relationship? Before answering this, let us always remember that some relationships give no satisfaction to either of the parties and both are better off without it. If one of the partners gets some satisfaction from the relationship they may try and save that. For saving the relationship, the partner may have to continue getting pained, but since he/she knows that the pain will be greater if the relationship is broken they will endure that pain and continue. Sometimes when a relationship is saved, it may improve over some years. It is easy to break but difficult to form.

CD Mohatta
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/relationship-who-can-save-it-better-492155.html

Technorati Tags: break up, emotional trauma, logical thinkers, man, pain, precipitate, relationship, relationship worth, saving a relationship, today, woman, woman men

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